Only in Canada:
can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink
do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front
do people order double chesseburgers, large fries and a diet coke
do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters
do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage
do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call-waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place
do we buy hotdogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight
do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: "Poli'in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
do they have drive-up bankmachines with Braille lettering
You know you're Canadian when:
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup
you design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit
the mosquitos have landing lights
you have more miles on your snowblower than on your car
you have ten favorite recipes for moose meat
Canadian Tire Stores on any Saturday are busier than the toy stores at Christmas
you live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground
you take your kids trick-or-treating on Halloween in a blizzard
driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow
you think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel 'nightie' with only 8 buttons
you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car
the local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey
at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant
the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun
your snow blower gets stuck on the roof
you think the start of deer season is a national holiday
you head south to go to your cottage
you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck
you know which leaves make good toilet paper
the major church fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making
you find -40C a little chilly
the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze
you attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorel snowboots.
you can play road hockey on skates
you know 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and road construction
the municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus
you understand the Labatt Blue Beer commercials
'Hockey Night in Canada'
you actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends
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