A Geman man, and English man and a Canadian decided that they were going to cross the Sahara desert. In order to make preparations for the trip the English man made a list of what they would need to bring. It was decided that the German man would bring all the food. The English man would bring several barrels of water. He then told the Canadian to bring any other items he felt would benefit them on their trip.
The next day the three men arrived at the desert. The German man had four crate fulls of the most delicous food. The English man had 4 barrels of the most pure water. The two then noticed that the Canadian was pulling a large bag. "And what did you bring?" asked the Englishman. "Well", said the Canadian pulling out a car door, "I brought a car door so that when it gets real hot we can roll down the window!"
Two hunters hire a small plane to take them to a remote area of Canada. Upon dropping off the hunters, the pilot tells them, "Remember only one moose, because the plane wouldn't be able to take off with more weight than that." The hunters go off. A week later when the plane returns to pick them up the two hunters are standing by the lake with two moose.
The pilot fumes, "I told you guys only one moose, you'll have to leave one because we won't be able to take off with that much weight." "Oh, c'mon," beg the two hunters, "Last year the pilot let us take two moose on, you're just a chicken."
Not wanting to be accused of being a coward, the pilot allows the two to bring both moose on the craft. The plane starts across the lake, straining to take off. The pilot tries and tries to no avail as they run out of room and the plane crashes into the trees at the end of the lake. A while later after coming to one of the hunters gets up and looks at all the scattered debris of the wreck and says, "Where are we?" To which the other hunter replies, "Oh, I'd say about a hundred yards further than last year."
An English man, an Irish man and a Canadian, all soldiers, decided that they had had enough of war. They planned to escape that evening. Unfortunately not soon after they snuck out they crossed into forbidden territory and were arrested by the enemy. Their penalty was death and they were to be excecuted the following morning. However the English man had devised a plan. He was the first to be done away with.
The guards took him and tied him up to the stake. The firing squad got their guns ready and the General said "ready, aim, ..." but before he could finish the English man screamed out 'Tornado' and everyone ran for cover and he got a way.
Seeing what he had done the Irish man decided to follow in his foot steps. He was then tied up to the stake and the words ready aim... were just being said when he screamed out 'Sand Storm'. Everyone again ran for cover and he got away.
The Canadian, not to be left out decided he would follow the lead of the others. He was tied up to the post and the general was just saying ready aim.. when he screamed out 'FIRE'!
Two Newfies, Archie and Harry, were driving down the road drinking a couple
of beers. The passenger, Harry, said "Lord 'tundering jaisis...up ahead,
Arch, it'sa police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' deez
beers!!"
"Don't worry," Archie said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin'these
beers then peel off the label, stick it on our foreheads, and throw the
bottles under the seat."
"What fer?"
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?"
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight and put a
label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the officer took a look at the two of them
and said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, Sir," said Archie while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch.
A Canadian, an American and a Czechoslovakian had gone hunting and were overdue. A search party went out and found that a group of bears had attacked and killed the hunters. The searchers cut open the female bear and found that she had eaten the Canadian and the American. As they looked at the sad remains, one searcher commented, "Well, the Check must be in the Male."
Two Canadians were out fishing on a lake when a bottle floated up to the boat. One guy fished it out of the lake and opened it, whereupon a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me" said the genie."I will grant you one wish."
The two men looked at each other and then one said,"Okay, turn all the water in this lake into beer." The genie granted his wish and the lake became beer.
The other man looked at his friend and said, "You idiot! Now we have to pee in the boat!"
An American couple drove into Saskatchewan and got lost. Seeing a man on the street they asked where they were. The man answered "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan". The wife said "Dear, ask that other man, maybe he speaks English".
& here is a true photograph, found in my hometown of Prince George, B.C.
advertising a motel and a neighboring casket store
guess people really have to worry if the sign says "no vacancy";-)
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