1:00 am. Alarm clock rings,
2:00 am. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 am. Throw everything except the kitchen sink into
the pickup.
3:00 am. Leave for the deep woods
3:15 am. Drive back home to pick up gun.
3:30 am. Drive like hell to get to the woods before
daylight.
4:00 am. Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent.
4:30 am. Head for the woods.
6:05 am. See two moose.
6:06 am. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am. CLICK
6:08 am. Load gun while watching moose go over hill.
8:00 am. Head back to camp.
9:00 am. Still looking for camp
10.00 am. Realize you don't know where camp is.
NOON Fire your gun for help - eat wild berries.
2:15 pm. Run out of bullets - two come back.
2:20 pm. Strange feeling in stomach.
2:30 pm. Realize you have eaten poison berries.
2:45 pm. Rescued.
2:55 pm. Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:25 pm. Arrive back at camp.
3:30 pm. Leave camp to kill moose.
4:00 pm. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 pm. Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 pm. Empty gun at squirrel that is bugging you.
6:00 pm. Arrive at camp - see moose grazing in camp.
6:01 pm. Load gun.
6:02 pm. Fire gun.
6:03 pm. Dead battery in pickup truck.
6:05 pm. Hunting, partner arrives in camp dragging moose.
6:06 pm. Repress desire to shoot hunting partner.
6:07 pm. Fall into fire.
6:10 pm. Change clothes.
6:15 pm. Take pickup. Leave hunting partner and his moose
in camp.
6:25 pm. Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:25 pm. Start walking.
6:30 pm. Stumble and fall. Drop gun in mud.
6:35 pm. Meet bear.
6:36 pm. Take aim.
6:37 pm. Fire gun. Blow up barrel, plugged with mud.
6:38 pm. Mess pants.
6:39 pm. Climb tree.
9:00 pm. Bear leaves.
9:05 pm. Wrap stupid gun around tree.
MIDNIGHT Home at last.
Sunday: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into small pieces, place in envelope and mail to Game Department with detailed instructions on where to place it.
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